Today marks my 5th wedding anniversary and I do not say this with any iota of excitement. I am a 31-year old lady who is faced between leaving my husband or enduring an abusive marriage just because I am a Christian. I married my husband as a virgin because I had vowed in my heart to keep myself for the man I would eventually get married to. I look back and I ask God where exactly I missed it. I had kept myself, I had joined purity clubs to keep me accountable, where did I go wrong? Why then would I get married to a man who doesn’t treat me right despite the fact that I decided to do marriage God’s way? I had told God that I would keep myself so that He would give me a perfect marriage. Why would I have a failed marriage when I married a man whom I thought loved God, why did my husband change, why didn’t God bless me with a good marriage even when I kept myself? Why me? Why me?
I read an article recently of a lady who decided to do marriage God’s way by keeping herself until marriage. However, despite the fact that she met and married a fellow Christian, her marriage was in shambles.
A few things I’m being led to address:
Keeping yourself till marriage doesn’t guarantee you a perfect/successful marriage and vice versa.
I have heard several unfortunate stories of ladies in this situation. Marriage is a lot of work, it is two different people sacrificing almost everything for each other and the success of marriage is not dependent on the biological state of your sexual organs.
Success in marriage depends on religion, prayer, faith, love, understanding, compatibility, family background and much more. T
his article doesn’t discourage purity before marriage but highlights that you can keep yourself for marriage but lack submission as a wife which could in turn wreck your marriage. It also encourages people who have strayed away not to lose hope on having successful and beautiful Christian marriages once they have found their way back in Christ.
This leads me to the second point which is, what exactly is your motive for keeping yourself before marriage?
To protect your heart? Just to be able to boast that you did? To feel more righteous than your peers? Or because you truly fear God and you want to be pure and obedient to His word?
You find out that a lot of people engage in other sexual immorality but because they do not jump the actual gun, they can still say they kept themselves till marriage.
If you can commit adultery by just thinking it, I believe same applies to fornication. So the question is are you genuinely pure or just a biological virgin?
Thirdly, do not give God conditions to honour His word.
“God, I will keep myself if in return I get the perfect marriage; God, I will fast for 100 days provided you give me my dream man or job; God, I will pay my tithe so you will give me this dream job in return” and so on.
The bible is a manual for life, it was given to guide us to a beautiful life in Christ. If you think you are purposely offending God by not keeping to His word, try purposely offending a manufacturer by plugging his appliance into the socket and dipping it in water even after the manual states clearly that you shouldn’t.
You are not doing God a favor, He wants the best for you hence the “do’s and don’ts” . You might just end up frustrated and blaming God if things don’t work out in your favor and your own timing just by thinking you’ve stroke a bargain with God.
God’s ways are not our ways, seek the mind of Christ diligently. I was so sad to read that some people have even resulted to saying there is no God just because they kept themselves and their marriages were not successful.
Another point I want to emphasize is, people change most times as situations change.
You hear a lot of scandals involving men of God, you hear of great men of God who fall, guess what? they are human.
The fact that you got married to a spiritual man or woman of God does not guarantee a perfect marriage. In fact if you speak to couples who are in Christ, they would tell you all they have to battle with but also how they overcome through constant connection with the source, God.
The devil is seriously fighting a battle against successful Christian marriages. So if you feel too comfortable that you married a Christian and you don’t continue in a prayerful life and constant communication and dependence on God, I’m sorry, but you may be in for a surprise.
A key note is to ask God for the spirit of discernment so you do not perceive someone to love God when infact he or she is just pretending. For those who intend to marry or are already married to people who love God, keep praying for them and yourselves.
Finally, God’s grace is sufficient.
I love Joseph Prince for pushing the grace concept and just like he would clarify, grace doesn’t give us the license to sin but covers all sins. Thank God for Jesus.
Do we then sin that grace may abound? There’s only so much that you can take so, don’t push too hard but then again, come as you are. Jesus came for the unsaved and imperfect that they may be made perfect through His death and blood He shed on the cross.
If you think you are perfect, then you don’t need Jesus. Our salvation is not by our own works, not by our righteousness. Our righteousness is like filthy rags to God. People have lived wayward lives but eventually turned to Christ and they have beautiful marriages today. It’s not by your works but by grace.
After all has been said, should you keep yourself till marriage? Yes because you love God and you trust that He has said this for your own good. Because your body is the temple of the Lord and you want to honour God by keeping His temple pure. Also, not keeping to His word is sin.
Should you seek to be married to someone who loves and fears God? Yes, because you trust God and believe He has said you should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever for your good and favour.
In all things and ways, pray continuously without ceasing, seek the mind of Christ and as Joshua 1:8 says meditate upon His word day and night so that you may be careful to do all that is written in it.